Asthma: Not Silent, Not Painless, But Definitely Deadly

I've had asthma for as long as I can remember. It's always plagued me, and it pops up whenever I least expect it. Well, I kind of know when it's coming on because I start to feel dizzy. I always have my inhaler with me, but sometimes I can't get to it in time. A few times, my brothers, my mom, or my friends have had to get it for me because I've passed out. I was first diagnosed with exercise induced asthma, then, as I grew older, it was changed to adult asthma. I almost died when I was a toddler because a negligent doctor gave me the wrong dosage of a medicine for allergies. I was supposed to have 4 milligrams of Prednisone, but they gave me 12 milligrams instead. An hour later, I started to wheeze, whine, and cough like I was choking. My mom took me to the emergency room, and they diagnosed it as a severe asthma attack. After they diagnosed me and told my mom, I went limp in her arms, passed out. First, they gave me a shot to open my airways a little so I could breathe, then they put me on a nebulizer treatment. Being 2, naturally, I was terrified. I refused to let them put the clear tube with steam coming out the end in my mouth, so they tried other things. Nothing worked, so they eventually resorted to a mask that went over my nose and mouth. My mom had to tickle me to get me to breathe in the medicine, and once I did start to breathe it in, I gradually started to breathe easier. They kept me for a few hours, just for observation, and I fell asleep there. My dad met us there (he was a teacher, and was working at the time) right as they were giving me the shot, and he followed the sound of my mom yelling for something to work fast. When they let me go, my dad carried me out like he did when I was a baby, cradled in his arms. They put me on bed rest for two days after that, but being the rambunctious two year old that I was, it was hard for my parents to keep me there. The attacks continued throughout my childhood, and still occur today. Two years ago, when I was in class, someone decided that they were going to spray perfume all over the room. That caused me to start to feel lightheaded, and I knew that I was going to have an attack. My friends who sat in my group (the teacher had the desks arranged in groups of four) knew about my asthma, and we had a signal for when one was happening. I would cough, and tap my desk. Then I got my inhaler out of my pocket, and started to shake it. My hand was trembling so badly, I couldn't even get the cover off the mouthpiece. My friend noticed that, and she went and told my teacher. They came back over to me, and she helped me to the door because I was shaking so badly, I could barely stand. I got outside, sat down on one of the steps, and used my inhaler. She had grabbed my water bottle before we went outside, and I drank a little bit of it. I stayed outside for a while, got some fresh air, and I was okay. My teacher spent the rest of the period lecturing about how some people are asthmatic, and that they couldn't go around the room and spray perfume or anything like that. Later, I heard that I had turned purple because I couldn't breathe. Now I make sure that I have two inhalers: one for home, one for when I go out. A person can never be too careful when it comes to their life.    

What I Listen to is My Own Decision!!!

God, I'm sick of people assuming they can judge me by my taste in music! I was at the Grove in Hollywood today, and I was checking out Marilyn Manson music. A person was looking at music next to me, and commented on my selection. He said, "Aren't you a little young to be listening to that type of music? It's a little too adult for you." I turned around and said, "Excuse me, but I happen to be 17. I'll be 18 in April. I know the backstory about how he derived his stage name. I happen know a lot about both the actual Charles Manson as well as Marilyn Manson! I have two older brothers, and they listen to his music also, as well as my younger brother, who's 16. So no, I'm not too young to be listening to his music." He sneered at me, and said, "Fine. I just don't like how his music is corrupting the youth of America. I just hope you don't turn out to be another Hitler or Mussolini, or worse, another Charles Manson." I was angry, and I'm sure that it was showing. I said through clenched teeth, "I may be of Italian and German descent, but that doesn't mean that every person who is from that culture will be a mini dictator. I actually happen to be extremely anti-Nazi and not at all Fascist. If I was a future Family member, would I have read Helter Skelter cover to cover, and be horrified by his philosophy? I think not. In fact, neither any of my brothers nor I will be corrupted by his music. He just has amazing rhythms, great guitar riffs, and incredibly strong vocals. Yes, his music may have questionable messages to certain people, but my brothers and I are all musicians. We listen to it not only for the words and messages, but for the musical aspects of it. And what we listen to is up to us. Our parents don't try to intervene because they know that we're old enough to make our own decisions. I just wish that people weren't so narrow-minded that they only see the historical reference in his name and his messages." I turned and walked away, leaving him standing there, mouth agape. I walked out of music, picked up a copy of Marilyn Manson's autobiography, and bought it. As I walked out, he was still floored in the same spot, and people were looking at him with confusion. Later, when I told my brothers about the conversation, they were so proud of me for not only standing up for myself and them, but also for what I believe in. I think that people should have the choice to listen to any type of music they want, no matter what references could be made.

The Ups and Downs (Many, Many Downs) of Teen Relationships

Many people say that the teenage years are the best and most magical. I'd like to know what they were thinking when they say that. I'm 17, and so far, they haven't at all been the best of my life. With that being said of my age, I must also tell you that I've only had one serious relationship in my 17 years of existence. That was last summer, and it lasted for 3 1/2 months. Granted my mom's rule was no dating until I was 16, but even then, I hadn't even been asked out. I'm now a senior, and I don't have any guys calling me, even just to hang out. Well, I do have one guy calling me to hang out, and that's my best friend, Aria. I can't help but wonder, how will I get a date for prom, or even a guy to look at me? Oh, the woes of a senior! Especially one who's not exactly the most popular or pretty on campus. Some might even call me nerdy because I always have a book in my arms, or a notebook to write stories in. I love to read, and I'm proud of that. I'm also a band geek, and that's a big turn-off to teen guys. They want popular, gorgeous, athletic, cheerleader girls, not nerdy, shy, quiet band geeks like me. Maybe that's why I haven't had a date in over a year. I hate the teenage mentality. Actually, I just wish I was better-looking and skinny. But not all people can have exactly what they want.

Writing: Fun and Confusing at the Same Time

I love to write stories, but sometimes my ideas can be cryptic. Like I have an idea for a story about me and a friend, but I can't figure out where it came from. For example, a very good friend is going to UC Berkeley in two weeks, and I dreamed about us last night. I couldn't figure out where that came from other than my subconscious telling me that I'll really miss him. Another example is that I dreamed about my being pregnant with a friend's baby, and I had written the beginnings of that story the day before! The mind works in mysterious ways. Even Sigmund Freud couldn't completely describe how the brain functions! And who knows why I still periodically get ideas that put me and my ex together again!

Funny Story: I live in LA, but I can't seem to meet any celebrities!!!

Well, I guess I have met a few. Like I went to pre-school with Wolfie VanHalen, elementary and middle school with Mason Lucero (in Clint Eastwood's "Bloodwork"), middle school with Victoria Justice, I've talked to David Sutcliffe, Eric Szmanda, and Chris Noth. Mr. Noth actually started the conversation with me! It was two weeks before finals, the first weekend of June. My mom and I were in Starbucks, and I was working on homework because my histroy teacher had assigned two chapters to do over the weekend. It was quite a difficult feat to accomplish, considering that I had a concert with my school band the Friday night before, and my grandparents had come out to be there. I spent Saturday with them, and Sunday was homework day. I had gotten some of it done on Friday night and Saturday afternoon, but it was still a close call. I was doing homework and also making study cards for the final on the Era of Conformity and the 1960s. He had his son with him, and I had smiled at his little boy. I was talking a question over with my mom, and he chimed in with, "Looks like you got a lot of homework." I was shocked, and that shock ran through my body. I said, quite calmly (to my surprise), "You have no idea. Finals are in two weeks, and my teacher wants us to learn as much as possible, so he slammed us with two chapters due tomorrow, and he assigned it on Friday!" I then proceeded to tell him that I'm a fan of his, and returned dutifully to my homework. But that was so cool! I wish I could meet more celebrities! Somehow. Maybe someday I will. Now that I'm a senior in high school, I won't have as many tough classes, and I'll have more time to sightsee and watch for celebrities. Lol, just kidding. I'm not a stalker. I just happen to bump into them, at random places. I would love to meet the actors from one of my favorite shows, "Crossing Jordan", particularly the one who portrayed Nigel. And the one who portrayed Bug. I loved that show so much, and was so upset when they cancelled it. Oh, well! C'est la vie! I'd also love to meet Orlando Bloom, and I am a huge fan of his also. Maybe somehow, someday I will. Just have to be patient and keep my hopes up. Stay tuned! More posts of the summer before my senior year and posts of senior year to come!