Why Am I Still Here?

There are times when I've thought to myself, "Why am I still here on Earth? Life sucks, and nothing's going to make it better." Especially when my mom screams at me incessantly. I have an Xacto knife hidden away in my nightstand drawer, but I haven't used it. There have been times when I've wanted to pull it out, though. Like tonight. My mom's pissed for some reason, my grade in one of my classes dropped slightly, and I haven't cleaned my room to her satisfaction, so she took prom away! I spent over $200 of my own money that I saved from Christmas and my birthday, and for nothing. Sometimes I want to yell that I hate my life, and I just want to die. People always say, "Oh, you're just upset. You don't mean it." But a lot of times, I do mean it! No one knows the kind of hell I've been through since my parents divorced when I was 10. Sometimes I think the world would be a better place without me.   

Friends: Angels In Disguise

My best friends are the best anyone could ever ask for. They always know how to help me through tough times, and they're always there when I need them. My friend Aria is the greatest, sweetest person I've ever met. He always knows exactly how I feel, and he can always make me laugh. There are times when it even seems like he knows me better than I know myself. My best friends are amazing also. I can always tell Lupe anything, and she's a shoulder to cry on. Suzi is an amazing person, and she knows everything about me. We tell each other everything, and there are no secrets. We talk about everything ranging from guys to music to books. I'm so lucky to have friends like them, and I don't know what I've done to deserve them. I know that we'll be friends for a long time to come.

The Ups and Downs (Many, Many Downs) of Teen Relationships

Many people say that the teenage years are the best and most magical. I'd like to know what they were thinking when they say that. I'm 17, and so far, they haven't at all been the best of my life. With that being said of my age, I must also tell you that I've only had one serious relationship in my 17 years of existence. That was last summer, and it lasted for 3 1/2 months. Granted my mom's rule was no dating until I was 16, but even then, I hadn't even been asked out. I'm now a senior, and I don't have any guys calling me, even just to hang out. Well, I do have one guy calling me to hang out, and that's my best friend, Aria. I can't help but wonder, how will I get a date for prom, or even a guy to look at me? Oh, the woes of a senior! Especially one who's not exactly the most popular or pretty on campus. Some might even call me nerdy because I always have a book in my arms, or a notebook to write stories in. I love to read, and I'm proud of that. I'm also a band geek, and that's a big turn-off to teen guys. They want popular, gorgeous, athletic, cheerleader girls, not nerdy, shy, quiet band geeks like me. Maybe that's why I haven't had a date in over a year. I hate the teenage mentality. Actually, I just wish I was better-looking and skinny. But not all people can have exactly what they want.

Funny Story: I live in LA, but I can't seem to meet any celebrities!!!

Well, I guess I have met a few. Like I went to pre-school with Wolfie VanHalen, elementary and middle school with Mason Lucero (in Clint Eastwood's "Bloodwork"), middle school with Victoria Justice, I've talked to David Sutcliffe, Eric Szmanda, and Chris Noth. Mr. Noth actually started the conversation with me! It was two weeks before finals, the first weekend of June. My mom and I were in Starbucks, and I was working on homework because my histroy teacher had assigned two chapters to do over the weekend. It was quite a difficult feat to accomplish, considering that I had a concert with my school band the Friday night before, and my grandparents had come out to be there. I spent Saturday with them, and Sunday was homework day. I had gotten some of it done on Friday night and Saturday afternoon, but it was still a close call. I was doing homework and also making study cards for the final on the Era of Conformity and the 1960s. He had his son with him, and I had smiled at his little boy. I was talking a question over with my mom, and he chimed in with, "Looks like you got a lot of homework." I was shocked, and that shock ran through my body. I said, quite calmly (to my surprise), "You have no idea. Finals are in two weeks, and my teacher wants us to learn as much as possible, so he slammed us with two chapters due tomorrow, and he assigned it on Friday!" I then proceeded to tell him that I'm a fan of his, and returned dutifully to my homework. But that was so cool! I wish I could meet more celebrities! Somehow. Maybe someday I will. Now that I'm a senior in high school, I won't have as many tough classes, and I'll have more time to sightsee and watch for celebrities. Lol, just kidding. I'm not a stalker. I just happen to bump into them, at random places. I would love to meet the actors from one of my favorite shows, "Crossing Jordan", particularly the one who portrayed Nigel. And the one who portrayed Bug. I loved that show so much, and was so upset when they cancelled it. Oh, well! C'est la vie! I'd also love to meet Orlando Bloom, and I am a huge fan of his also. Maybe somehow, someday I will. Just have to be patient and keep my hopes up. Stay tuned! More posts of the summer before my senior year and posts of senior year to come!

Preparing for Senior Year... HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man, I can't believe that I'm a senior already! It seems like just yesterday I was a shy, quiet freshman, and now I'm a shy senior. There are so many things to do before graduation and college! Class rings, prom, homecoming, senior package, cap and gown. The list never ends! Whenever I think I have a grip on things for a minute, something else comes up! Be it a death in the family, a friend getting pregnant, or a brother's best friend attempting suicide. My life is absolutely crazy, and never gets any easier. I have an awesome family, and lots of great friends, but I have this whole other life that they don't see at school. But my escapes from the chaotic world are singing, reading, writing, playing flute, and playing piano. I've been a musician for as long as I can remember.